Our Changing World

There has been intense speculation and build up leading to the declaration of Palestinian Statehood. One of the Israelis in our program was called back to duty and we were warned to stay alert and away from any protests. I don't exactly know what I expected, but it came and went with no obvious evidence. The one thing I did notice was an increase in dialogue. People all around me began, or perhaps continued, a thoughtful conversation about the conflict. Many people I've spoken to seem to be in favor of a Palestinian state. By no means am I saying that this is the consensus throughout Israel and I am very aware that I am surrounded by very young, very liberal, like minded individuals and I am hearing only one perspective. While I continue to educate myself and attempt to formulate my own opinion, I have become undeniably aware of my discomfort of anything (conversation, article, observation, ect) critical of Israel. 

It seems that Jews living in Israel are able to separate the sacred from the secular in that they can differentiate between criticisms about Israel from judgement of the Jewish people living there. Coming from America, there is a sense of unity and connectedness between Jews and Israel to the point that I perceive any negative comment about Israel as anti-Semetic. Despite considering myself a humanist, above all, and believing to some degree that the Palestinians are entitled to their own country, I avoid reading any articles that condemn Israel. I have also struggled in this sense when it comes to formulating my own opinions about Israel as a country. I have observed many things that leave me uncomfortable and unsettled. I have held back from sharing these observations or even analyzing them on my own because I am concerned that acknowledging shortcomings in Israel will somehow make me a bad Jew. My decision to live here was rooted in discovering the "real" Israel. As someone who was seriously considering making Aliyah, it was important to me to see the country for everything it is- the good, bad and ugly. However, I've been so hung up on the bad and the ugly, yet unwilling to process and move past them, that I am unable to see the good. 

I feel very lost here. I've probably said this already, but I definitely underestimated how much the language barrier would impact me. I  struggle to communicate with the people around me; I'm never sure where I'll end up when I get on a bus; I don't know what kind of meat I'm buying in the grocery store. On top of struggling with my internal dilemmas and being terribly homesick, I'm completely and utterly lost in this place I'm living. By no means do I regret my decision. I am very happy to be doing something new. Every day is challenging and engaging and pushing me to grow. Sometimes growth is hard... 

This entry ended up being much heavier than I intended but this is something that has been weighing on me since I've gotten here and I've finally been willing to articulate it. I'll make sure to put some happier, more positive updates up sometime this week!